In this two-part episode of the Family Twist podcast, Corey and Kendall Stulce sit down with author Lezlee to discuss her emotional journey of discovering hidden family secrets and navigating the complex world of DNA surprises. Lezlee’s book, If You Only Knew: Navigating DNA Surprises and the NPE World, chronicles her story of uncovering shocking truths about her biological parentage, the impact these revelations had on her, and the healing process that followed. Her experience is one that resonates deeply with many listeners who have faced similar challenges in their own families, particularly those in the NPE (Not Parent Expected) community.
The Discovery That Changed Everything
Lezlee’s journey begins with a cryptic comment from her biological father when she was 26 years old. “If you only knew,” he would say, hinting at secrets her mother had kept hidden for decades. Though these comments were hurtful, it wasn’t until many years later, when she was 47, that Lezlee began to unravel the truth.
At a family funeral, Lezlee’s stepmother and her sister made a revealing comment: “We’ve always wanted to meet you, but we were never allowed to.” This was a pivotal moment for Lezlee, sparking a 10-year quest for the truth. She had heard whispers and rumors throughout her life, but her mother continuously gaslighted her, denying the existence of any family secrets. This was especially painful for Lezlee, as she and her mother had been incredibly close—best friends, even. The eventual discovery that her mother had lied to her for so many years added another layer of betrayal and heartbreak.
Untangling the Web of Secrets
As Lezlee dug deeper, she discovered that her biological father was not the man listed on her birth certificate but someone else entirely. Her parents had married, divorced, and then remarried. During the period between these marriages, her mother had a relationship with another man—Lezlee’s biological father. When Lezlee’s mother became pregnant, it was easier for her to claim that Lezlee was the daughter of her first husband, who was also the biological father of her brother.
Despite the complexity of the situation, Lezlee’s birth certificate father, the man she thought was her biological father, never denied her. In fact, they remained close, even though Lezlee now knows the truth. He is still alive today at 84, and they continue to have a relationship, though they never discuss the revelations of her biological parentage or her book. Lezlee acknowledges that the truth is likely too painful for him to confront, but she is grateful for the love and stability he provided her.
The Pain of Rejection and Acceptance
Lezlee’s search for her biological father’s family was a mixed experience. After discovering that her biological father had passed away in 2020, Lezlee reached out to her half-sister, only to be met with hostility. Her half-sister refused to accept the truth, denying that their father had any relationship with Lezlee’s mother and forbidding the rest of the family from meeting Lezlee. Despite this rejection, Lezlee connected with other members of her biological family, including her niece, with whom she has developed a loving relationship.
Lezlee describes the emotional toll of being rejected by some family members while being embraced by others. She had to make the difficult decision to step back and protect herself from further hurt, choosing to focus on the positive relationships she had built rather than continuing to pursue those who refused to acknowledge her.
The Healing Power of Community
Throughout her journey, Lezlee has found solace and support in the NPE community, a group of people who share similar experiences of uncovering long-held family secrets through DNA testing. She speaks passionately about the importance of this community, sharing how attending conferences like RootsTech and connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences has been a source of healing for her.
Lezlee’s involvement in this community has also allowed her to help others. She regularly participates in book signings and book clubs, sharing her story to offer guidance and support to those just beginning their own journeys of discovery. She emphasizes that many people going through DNA surprises feel isolated and have no one to talk to, which is why the NPE community is so vital.
Despite the emotional exhaustion that comes from reliving her story, Lezlee finds joy in knowing that she is helping others navigate their own painful journeys. Her empathy and willingness to share her experiences have made her a source of comfort and inspiration for many.
The Impact of Family Secrets
One of the most profound themes of Lezlee’s story is the lasting impact of family secrets. She reflects on how generationally, many people, including her mother, kept secrets in an attempt to protect themselves or others from shame. However, the rise of DNA testing has made it nearly impossible to keep such secrets hidden forever. As Lezlee points out, it’s not the discovery of the truth that causes harm—it’s the lies that have been told and maintained over the years.
Lezlee also touches on the emotional complexity of her relationship with her mother. As much as she loved her mother, the betrayal of being lied to for decades is something that still haunts her. One of the most painful moments came when her mother told her, “If you don’t stop what you’re doing, you’re going to open wounds and people will bleed.” Lezlee responded, “I’m bleeding here,” highlighting the disconnect between her mother’s need to protect her own image and Lezlee’s desperate need for the truth.
Moving Forward: Acceptance and Healing
Despite the pain of rejection and the betrayal of long-held lies, Lezlee has found peace in her journey. She has made the conscious decision to focus on the positive aspects of her life, including the relationships she has built with members of her biological family and the support she has found in the NPE community. Her book, If You Only Knew, has been a way for her to process her experiences and share her story with others who may be going through similar situations.
Lezlee acknowledges that the pain of discovering family secrets and the rejection that sometimes follows never fully goes away. However, she believes that healing is possible through acceptance, self-compassion, and the support of others who understand what you’re going through. Her journey is a reminder that while the truth can be painful, it is ultimately freeing, and the search for identity and connection is a journey worth taking.
The Importance of Sharing Stories
For Lezlee, sharing her story has been therapeutic, and she encourages others to do the same. She believes that by telling our stories, we not only help ourselves heal but also provide hope and guidance for others who may be struggling. As she continues to participate in conferences and book signings, she remains committed to helping others navigate the emotional complexities of DNA surprises and family secrets.
The Family Twist podcast has been a powerful platform for stories like Lezlee’s, offering listeners a space to explore the often difficult but ultimately rewarding journey of uncovering family truths. As Corey and Kendall point out, the mission of the podcast is to break down the walls of family secrets and encourage open, honest conversations that lead to healing.
